So, staying put in one place isn't really my thing. And even though it's something i've always wanted to change and have 'tried' to work hard on keeping to one spot and one decision, it's becoming more and more apparent the older that i get that it's just not my thing. I'm not really sure if it's because i'm not ready for it or just that i'm a brat that can't make up her mind. This week i've made my maiden voyage overseas. Three Asian countries and i could not be more in love with the world. Sometimes, at home, ill book a one way ticket somewhere, Brisbane, Sydney, Adelaide are the usual hit ups. When i say i'm going i'm always surprised when people ask me if i'm going to come home, even though as far as they know I've booked a return flight and will be back in 5 days and even though i really haven't and have no intention on returning, there's still that little bit of 'oh.. ' that keeps making me book that flight home. Over here though, if my bank account looked a little healthier, i honestly would not get on that plane home. Booked or not, i'd sit pretty right where i am. I love not having a phone. Love not being on a time constraint. Love the different cultures. Love getting lost. Love losing myself yet finding it at the same time. Love making my own decisions with no one else intruding. Love deciding when and if i want to talk to someone because they can't contact me, i have to contact them. It's all the things i loved about living on an island without all the crap.
I'd always been hesitant to go overseas. Not that i didn't want to, i just managed to come up with a thousand and one reasons why i couldn't because i was scared and constantly needed an excuse for myself. I'm so unsettled and indecisive with the option of 8 different states to live in, throw the rest of the world into the mix of a girl with and anxiety disorder and you have absolute mental mayhem! I've been very go, go, go for a number of years and all of a sudden it's hit me that i actually don't have to be. I can just chill out, go with the flow and enjoy it. Which is an entirely new experience for me. I've surprised myself with my ability to not shower, not wash my hair, not straighten it and carry my 'life' in a bag on my back. Shock, horror! Yes, this is me that i'm talking about.
Through all this babble and mumbo jumbo, i think the point i'm actually aiming for here after a few cocktails is that i don't want to come home. And even though i have to for the absolute sole reason of finance, it wont be for long. Sticking to decisions is the absolute epitome of why my life is disfunctional. I work too hard, i don't play enough and i talk myself out of absolutely everything. 2013, although i had thought that 2012 was my year, will actually be it, my year, my life, my way. I've never felt so at home in my own skin as i do being lost in another country.
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