Stupidity and Fade outs.

A good friend told me that heartbreak is the second hardest thing to overcome - addiction being the first.
That death is easier to deal with because you have closure, where as when you're heartbroken, you're just left hurting and not sure why. My Dad told me once, after he and my mum split, that it takes half the time that you were together to get over someone and during that period, you'll go through the 7 stages of grief.

Shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, reflection and loneliness, the upward turn, reconstruction, acceptance and hope.

Labelling steps to grief seems stupid, But i guess when you can see it in front of you and be given a time frame, its almost calming to see it put out on paper with a timeline. Giving you a sense of the end and a count down for when it will get better. But where is the fade out stage, or the stupidity stage?

Maybe its part of the other stages, but there seems to come a time that you just feel so overwhelmingly stupid. Like all you want to do is smash your head  against the wall with a massive what the fuck are you doing. When what you're feeling at the time seems to be so irrational and pointless because you're the only one that's not okay. You feel like you should be okay now, you're weak for still caring and weak for still hurting. When you wish you could take back everything you've said since the moment they left you. Re-do, rewind and relive.

Fade out. The time you realise you don't remember what it feels like. You no longer remember what it feels like to be with them, you don't remember how they smell, how they sound, their touch, you just know that you miss it. I think that hurts more than anything. I'm hoping this phase sets in just before the upward turn.