Where to?

While i know that getting a ridiculous digital journo assignment with a pitiful and painfully broad assessment criteria finished on time should be my number one priority tonight, it's hard to stop my mind from racing. It seems my love for writing is turning into a love for whining. A love for rhetorical questions that I'm not sure I ever want answered. For blurting out things I can't usually say, things that at the time seem so unbelievably hard to wrap my head around. 

When things go wrong and you're not really sure why, how do you fix them?
What happens if they can't be fixed and you're left to pick up the pieces that you never wanted to fall apart in the first place?
Do you retreat, wallow in self pity until one day you wake up and decide its time to get your shit together? Stay put, head high, strong face? Or do you run?


To retreat is easy. But if you retreat that generally means 10 steps back for the one that you took forward. And knowing how hard that first step was makes me think I don't want to have to make it again. 


Stay put, head high, strong face? Then what happens to the heart that's breaking? When are you allowed to fall apart? And how long for? And who then picks up your broken pieces when you're still picking up the ones you didn't want to break? How long does it take for life to seem normal and okay again? How long are you playing this game of pretend for?


Or run?
To run would be a fresh start. Another state maybe? Or perhaps another country? Is running from the confusion and hurt of reality a bad thing? Does it make you weak for not being able to sort your shit out? Or does it make you strong because you can't see the room for shit in your life? Then what happens when the next porcelain life falls apart? Do you run again? At what point do you stop running and deal with it?


I'm not sure if to run is to forgive or forget. Or if it's either for that matter.Or if either actually need to be done.
Life is a messy, confusing and ridiculously scary thing and I've found over the years that I'm good at all three. So which one do I choose this time?