That's just a risk i'll take!

I am so looking forward to this new risky side of me!
The rest of this year is going to be about taking the plunge, risks and all sorts of new things.
I'm going to dye my hair red. Not Rhianna red, just a natural red. I'm going to move in with someone I don't know. I'm going to make new friends. I'm going to book a plane ticket overseas by myself. I'm going to start saying YES instead of maybe! I'm going to start ACTING instead of watching and wishing! There is no time like now and no one can make these things happen but me. Maybe next year can be my year of yes? Maybe that should be my blog for the year? Maybe i should make myself a motivational shirt like Baracks' here:

In fact, YES, I will.
I'm super excited!

clarity

Funny how all of a sudden you know the right thing to do. Something just clicks and you know the right way to go.

Closing Time

At the end of the day, I know my Prince Charming isn't going to be straight out of a Disney movie.
No horse and carriage, no white doves. And probably no flashmob or musical.
We all have our issues, I just want someone to take on the world with.

Untitled.

                 'Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to be somebody better, you end up acting like the person you've become, and it seems like there's nothing you can do but give in to the voices in your head.'
                                                                                                           - Mark Dapin

Hey conscience, have a nice holiday?

Sometimes i let my brain get away from me. Its almost like my conscience goes on a little holiday, goes and lays on a beach for a bit, chilling out while my brain runs riot. And man, what a mess my poor conscience comes back to when it returns. But i could not be more relieved when it comes home. He spends his day picking apart my little mess ups, working through each one piece by piece. Coercing my heart to play nice with my brain like a small child not wanting to share. Conversing with my limbic system deep within the depths of my cerebrum, kindly requesting they keep my emotions on level ground and off the trampoline and to please keep the drama queen at  bay.

When he returns its as though my head stands still, stunned while at the top of his lungs screams WHAT THE FUCK as it sees the mess, like a house party gone bad - my brain is in disarray. But when you treat your head like the dormitories of a frat house, what more should you expect really?

By the end of its first day back, i have my head in order. With the sun shining, my world is back to looking fine. While the ocean is in view from where ever i am, beer in hand with friends who leave tracks in your heart like fossils, i realise that no matter where i am i can make what i want of it. That i am (borderline) healthy, i am happy, and while i'm missing someone to crawl into bed with at the end of it all, i'm lucky.

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside..

Coming home is a really weird feeling for me.
So much has changed but at the same time, it feels like its stayed the same.

A new baby here and there, a ring on someones finger, a new shop, a new love, a new phase that i'm out of the loop for.
But in all reality, they're still the same. Doing the same things, with the same people and for some reason i still feel like the outsider. Maybe i'm the one that's changed? or maybe i've stayed the same which is why i still feel the same.

Maybe, subconsciously, i've come home for the wrong reasons.Or maybe i'm just tired and haven't given myself a chance to settle again.
And maybe you'll read this and decide on the spot that you've made the right decision. For whatever reason we can't, i wish i could talk to you. About this, about me, about you without feeling as though im running the risk of losing you and us.

Maybe if we never left the room, maybe if we both dealt with the real world a little better, maybe if you weren't scared, maybe if i wasn't too. If only we weren't scared to put the maybes into actions to find out their truths.