Dear you,

Thank you.

Thank you for showing me the person i could be.
For showing me that i deserve the best.
For teaching me to be strong.
For believing in me.
For letting me in.
For showing me the amazing person you are, even if its not who you feel comfortable being.
For showing me your vulnerabilities and for helping me conquer mine.
For loving me like no one has before.
For sending me on this journey.

Thank you for making me a better person.

All my love and wishes,

Jay.

Seven Things A Twentysomething Can Do « Thought Catalog

This made me feel a lot better about being 20something. Thank god I'm not the only one that feels like a manic depressant psycho that cant work it out.

Seven Things A Twentysomething Can Do « Thought Catalog

AUG. 22, 2011

By RYAN O'CONNELL

1. Have lots and lots of feelings!

Being a twentysomething is like being on a perpetual emotional rollercoaster—there’s a lot of screaming, adrenaline, and occasionally vomit. Our age entitles us to be sensitive about everything. “I feel, like, just off today. Maybe it’s the weather or something. I was just at Kinko’s and almost started crying near the printer!” Crying for no reason is like a sport for us! Who’s going to win the twentysomething olympics?! Competitions include drunk texting, crying at commercials, careful use of “I” statements and complaining about everything all the time. Personally, I feel like I’m the Michael Phelps of suffering from vague mid-grade anxiety. I like to vocalize that I feel anxious at least four times a day. The source is unclear. All I know is that I feel weird, okay?! My anxiety is giving me anxiety. Can’t you see that I’m just in a bad place right now?!

2. Be hyperbolic about everything

Twentysomethings have a tendency to exaggerate about most things (unless it’s about the money we’re receiving from our parents). If you go a week without drinking, we’ll be quick to say, “Oh my god, I have been such a homebody. I haven’t drank in like a month!” Or, “I literally have not slept in 36 hours. I literally haven’t eaten all day.” If it’s prefaced with “literally,” chances are it’s a lie. When will we learn to stop stretching the truth?!

3. Change our minds

On food: I would eat Thai if there’s good outdoor seating at the restaurant, but if there’s not, I would actually love to eat some pizza but only if there are vegan options. Wait, you know what I actually want? Subway.
On dating: I really like Josh. I think we just really click and he’s sweet and makes me happy. Wait, I hate Josh because he makes a weird face when he orgasms and this one time he insulted my shoes and I had to hold back the tears during dinner. We’re done.
On ourselves: I’m never drinking again. Do you have any white wine? I’m in a really healthy place right now. Just kidding. Things have gotten really bad since we last talked five minutes ago.
On music: Oh my god, Cults are my favorite band! Wait, is this Cults playing? They’re annoying, don’t you think?
On drugs: I’m never doing coke again. It’s the worst. Will there be some at the party tonight? I kind of feel like getting cray cray.

4. Talk about sex more than actually having it

Let’s talk about sex all day long instead of actually having it. That would require too much work and I’m sooo scared of rejection. Then you have to worry about the morning after being awkward and then you have the technology dance with the texting. You sit there with your phone waiting for a response that doesn’t scream “LAST NIGHT WAS A MISTAKE.” Then you get the response and even if it’s good, you still freak out about some minute detail like a period or a question mark. No, having sex is exhausting now. I’ll just talk about it with my friends at brunch, okay?

5. Talk shit

Twentysomethings are really good at talking shit. If we could get paid to gossip, the job crisis would seriously be solved. Bye bye recession, hello #glamour. A good shit talking session gives us a sense of purpose in this chaotic world. Plus, it’s been made so easy thanks to the internet. When you tweet about how much you love your boyfriend, how are we not supposed to make fun of you? It’s like you’re giving me a gift and asking me not to unwrap it.

6. Lurk

Twentysomethings are really good at research. Give us a stranger’s name and ask us to find out where they went to school, who they’re dating, who they’re fighting with and their default camera face and we will. The things I know about people who hang on the periphery of my social circle are truly disgusting. It might seem like we’re meeting for the very first time, but honey, I know what you did last summer and the summer before that. In fact, I know what you did yesterday. You hung out with your friend Annie and saw the new Harry Potter. You tweeted about it! Was it good? I’ve heard good things!

7. Miss things

I just ate a cheese omelette and I already miss it. Maybe I should blog about it in a post called, “The Cheese Omelette And Me: A Complicated Love Story!” I also miss today. I mean, I know it’s not over yet but it feels over, you know? And I hate it when things just end like that. Maybe I should take a picture of today to always remember it. nEver 4gEt.

I wish, i wish, i wish!

If i could have anything in the world, it would be that little black pen from Men in Black.
You know that little mind eraser? Set the time, date, a quick little flash and its all gone.
How much easier would it make life to have the ability to just forget that you'd seen it. Forget that you'd heard it. Forget that you'd felt it. All the maybes, all the why's would just vanish from our lives, enabling us to move on, continue along our merry way without a second ponder of why.

just because.

Sometimes our minds and emotions can get the better of us.
Sometimes you just need to go home.
Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to make yourself feel okay.

Its hard to know what the right decision is.

Sometimes the only way to move forward is to take a step backward.
Sometimes you have to break things down to build them back up.
Sometimes staying put with a strong face doesn't work.

When it rains, it pours.

Sometimes nothing makes sense.
Sometimes you just feel alone.
Sometimes all forms of reasoning feel irrelevant.

Sometimes its for no other reason than
just because.

Never ending racetrack.

Pick up all your tears
throw them in your backseat
leave without a second glance
somehow im to blame
for this never ending racetrack you call llife.

So turn right into my arms.
Turn right, you wont be alone.
You might fall off this track sometimes
but i hope to see you at the finish line.

Driving all your friends
at a speed they cannot follow
and soon you will be on your own
somehow im to blame
for this never ending racetrack that you call life.

So turn right into my arms.
Turn right, you wont be alone.
You might fall off this track sometimes
but i hope to see you at the finish line.

I did all i could, i gave everything.
But you had to go your way.

Hope to see you on the finish line..

live and let live.

Better to have tried and still lost than to lose and regret not trying.
♥

Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face.

The kind you'd find on someone i could save.

If they don't put me away,

it'll be a miracle.

Do you believe you're missing out

That everything good is happening somewhere else?

With nobody in your bed

The night's hard to get through.

And i will die all alone

And when i arrive, i wont know anyone.

Well, Jesus Christ, i'm alone again.

So what did you do those three days you were dead?

Cause this problem's gonna last

more than the weekend.

Well, Jesus Christ, i'm not scared to die

I'm a little bit scared of what comes after

Do i get the gold chariot?

Do i float through the ceiling?

Do i divide and fall apart?

Cause my bright is too sly to hold back all my dark. 

And this ship went down in sight of land

And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands? 

I know you'll come in the night like a thief

But i've had some time alone to work out my lying technique

I know you think that i'm someone you can trust

But i'm scared i'll get scared and i swear ill try to never give up.

So do you think that we could work out something

Some know that it's you and that it's over so i wont even try. 

I know you'll come for the people like me

But we all got wood and nails, tongue tied to a hating factory. 

We all got wood and nails, tongue tied to a hating factory. 

We all got wood and nails, we sleep inside of this machine. 

"I'm in love with you and excited for what is to come"

It never ceases to amaze me how much words can mean. Even with no actions, simple words that are so meaningless on their own can be strung into one little sentence that means so much.

Humans are strange creatures. We can be so wary, cynical and sceptical of life in the hope to protect ourselves. But when we find ourselves besotted with love or excitement, it seems these precautionary measures are thrown out the door, almost inevitably leading us blindly into a cradle of hurt and disappointment.

While most of us are hesitant to place our hearts in the hands of others, we find ourselves, at one point or another, blindly taking the risk in a moment of faith. No matter how brief that moment may be, if only for an instant, the walls come down and we find ourselves falling undoubtedly into the unknown. All our love, trust and happiness at the mercy of another.

Love and excitement, serendipity and hope. With our hearts held firmly in the hands of another in a bond that we once thought unbreakable, we realise how quickly it can all be changed. Even the strongest bonds will turn to rust. Fragile from wear, they collapse, crushing with it our dreams, hopes and prayers.

Maybe humans are foolish. Perhaps naive. Or maybe we're just trusting and hopeful. While some may act like they're above, or perhaps below emotion, it is a feeling we all experience. Regardless of whether it be briefly or prolonged, a broken heart is something to which we can all relate.

Heartbreak is the bearer of a rare emotion. One the can rip you apart, numb you, strengthen you, anger you or sadden you as though nothing will ever feel the same. And for a reason unknown to me, once the wounds from the first have healed and scarred, graced us with insecurities almost irreversible.. we go back for more.
Once more we put everything on the line in the hope that this time, it might all go to plan.